“How are you doing?” Perhaps the most asked question right now as we check up on each other. Before the coronavirus this was a question that was casually thrown out and the stock answer was “Good, and you?”. It seems the question has become more genuine and the inquiry is about both our physical health and mental health. How ARE you doing?

I don’t know about you but my days are still a roller coaster of emotion. I’m busy working, busy checking in on friends & family, busy cooking or busy exercising. And of course, I take some time to tune into the news. I limit how much I am exposed to and I choose my sources wisely. I watch WCAX in short spurts but rely on VT Digger & some NPR podcasts (Up First, Morning Edition & Short Wave are staples). I regularly visit the VT Department of Health’s COVID-19 webpage and the CDC’s Coronavirus page. By the time my to-do list is done, I’m tired. Very often I’m mentally exhausted. So I sit down to watch a comedy on television. But darn, it, that scrolling news alert keeps distracting me and doesn’t let me escape this pandemic. I turn off the TV and go work on a puzzle but that sense of doom seems to permeate my very being, weighing me down like an anchor. That sense of accomplishment that accompanies a day well spent is swept away and I can feel myself about to cry. My first instinct is to fight this but slowly I’m learning to accept this feeling of loss.

And loss is indeed what this feeling is. It is a type of grief that we are all experiencing. Grief for the Easter or Passover traditions we can’t share, grief for lives lost and friends suffering. Grief at lost milestones like graduations, proms, and move-up days. Grief for lost jobs, cancelled concerts, businesses that are closing. Grief for the temporary loss of our freedom of movement and known routines. Grief, because we know our lives will never return to exactly what they were before.

This was very eloquently described in an essay featured on the most recent episode of the Brave Little State podcast titled How’s Everybody Doing?. The essay, titled Living in Holland, was written & read by Ethan Dezotelle and referenced a short piece by Emily Perl Kingsley . It’s worth listening to the whole podcast but in a nutshell, he compared what we are feeling now with how we would feel if we planned a trip to Italy but ended up in Holland instead. We would probably enjoy Holland but we would be sad we didn’t get to Italy. We aren’t in a terrible place but it is not where we expected to be and nor where we wanted to be. While we will make the best of our situation and will find some enjoyable moments, we also need to make room for grieving the loss of what we expected to happen this Spring.

This description helped me greatly. It brought me back to how I learned to accept waves of grief after Scott passed away. I learned not to fight them so much as sit with them and then let those feelings pass. Over time the feelings happened less frequently and with less intensity. I’m now happy about where I am in life and am blessed with a wonderful partner but those feelings of grief can still sneak up on me. I’ve learned that if I simply sit with the grief, acknowledge the fact of it, pray about it, it gently passes. It’s okay to speak about it and not brush it under the rug. It’s a real thing.

That is how I feel about this sense of loss that descends at the end of most days now. I’m okay with where I’m at. I am blessed to have a warm house, a healthy family, food in my fridge, and work to do. I’m also sad that I won’t be at church tomorrow morning singing my favorite Easter hymns among a crowd of joyous voices while the smell of flowers fill the air. I’m disappointed that my family won’t be gathering at my house for Easter dinner. But that’s okay. I’m just going to sit with it for a while, pray about it and know it will pass.

I turned on my Christmas lights last week after reading how many people were doing that to bring some peace and hope into the world. It was easy for me for two reasons I am very thankful for. One: Scott, an electrician, had run power to an outlet under the large tree the second Winter we lived here. All I need to do after the lights are strung is go down to the basement and flip a switch. Two: My eldest son, Jeremy, has had a life long passion for Christmas tree lights. He makes sure the Blue Spruce is always a tree of beauty. It doesn’t hurt that he specialized in lighting design in college either!

The Christmas lights brought thoughts of Christmas past and future. We had a good Christmas this year, extended over a couple of weeks as we were spread far and wide on Christmas Day itself. One thing came of the many gatherings that occurred. We all enjoyed the time spent together and made a pact that next year we would try to either gift experiences or home-made gifts. I actually prefer to call them ‘gifts from the heart’. It’s one of those pacts that are great in theory and we mentally make plans to create awesome one-of-a-kind gifts but then January turns into May which turns into September and then it is November, and heck, we are all scrambling to figure out what can be whipped up in just a few short weeks.

But wait, there is opportunity in the current quarantine! I’ve been cleaning out my basement and from the depths of closets I’ve been unearthing box upon box of craft supplies. Some are remnants from previous projects, others are the virgin supplies for projects that were never started. It occurs to me that April might be the time to use that pretty fabric, fill those decorative jars, craft with that wood & paint and put a dent in my Christmas list at the same time. Even if I only get one gift done, that is one less gift I will have to fret about come the Fall.

What if we all dug through our UFOs(Unfinished Objects) and made an effort to move forward with unfinished projects? You know the ones I’m talking about; they are in boxes tucked away in your closet, in a drawer, or the basement. When you come across those boxes, you get a crestfallen look on your face as you put the box back where you found it, feeling guilty, thinking “someday…”. Guess what? Now is a GREAT day to dig those boxes out. If you can’t remember what to do with the pieces and parts, maybe another member of your family can come up with a new idea. Google ideas for inspiration but I challenge you to make do with what you have.

And when you are done – send me a picture of the finished product. I promise I won’t tell anyone what they are getting for Christmas!

I can’t believe it’s been six days since I posted. This week was an emotional roller coaster for me. I am not going to get into the weeds about that because most of you took that same thrill ride this week. It’s time to think about the promises of springtime.

Take this log for instance. A month ago it was a tree trunk laying under the snow, next to the road on West Hill Road in Montgomery. It was about then that I sent a link I saw on Facebook to Paul asking “do you think you could do this?” https://diyjoy.com/diy-gardening-ideas-rustic-log-planter/#0

He answered: “I know just the log but it is still under the snow. I’ll dig it out when I can.” Since then, Paul has made a few of these log planters and they are waiting to be distributed to family and friends. He brought me the first one and it is sitting in my garden waiting for the Memorial Day Weekend planting fest. It is, in fact, a very good symbol of the Spring to come.

The days are already longer and warmer. The geese are back on Arrowhead Lake and I spotted a heron the other day. Perennials are popping up here and there and so are the mole trails on my lawn. I don’t know how long this surreal time will last but I do know it won’t stop the flowers from blooming and the cardinals from singing.

May your weekend be filled with signs of the Spring to come!

I’m back with a better attitude. I took the time yesterday to clear out the office space upstairs enough so that it is functional. Now I can separate work & home and reclaim my puzzle space.

Now that is out of the way, I can start adjusting to this new normal. That means taking care of my health, both mental & physical and finding ways to connect with others despite physical distancing. I encourage you to do the same.

For me, taking care of my health boils down to sticking to good habits, creating a routine and getting out of my pjs. Good habits include taking my vitamins, eating regular meals, drinking 64 ounces of healthy fluids each day and exercising 6 out of 7 days. I have let those go in the last two weeks so now there is an index card on my kitchen counter where I track how I’m doing on completing those tasks.

For the exercising, I am walking outside, riding my stationary bike, and working out with dance classes online. Daturaonline.com/ Whenever possible, I choose the walking outside. It is amazing the positive impact that sunshine and bird song have in creating a healthy mental state! Missing your class at the gym? Fitness instructors are offering online classes through YouTube and other avenues. The Fairfax Parks & Recreation Facebook page includes links to some of their instructors online classes: https://www.facebook.com/fairfaxrecdept (Shameless plug for the Fairfax Parks and Recreation) Stuck at home with your sweetie? Now might be the time to take an online dance class. http://www.learntodance.com/online-dance-lessons/ If you try any of them, let me know how it goes!

Creating routine is closely related to those good habits. It’s a survival skill when you are a parent at home with your kids but easy to overlook when there are no kiddos underfoot. I will admit that I am wearing my comfy clothes and forgoing make-up, but I figured out in the first couple of days that I need to stick to my morning routine of shower & breakfast prior to doing anything else. I also do need to get dressed even if it is in leggings and a t-shirt. It gives me energy and helps me settle my mind to the tasks at hand. Creating a routine also means I’m figuring in when to take breaks, eat meals, and making sure there is time for self-care treats like a manicure or facial. On that note, does anyone have a good online source for homemade facial recipes?

Staying connected: I’ve always yearned for more time by myself but now that being by myself is pretty much 24/7, it has lost it’s mystique. I can feel a bit of anxiety around the edges even though I am an introvert at heart. I imagine it is even more difficult for the extroverts. We are meant to be together. Thank goodness for technology. I’m trying to call a couple friends or family members each day to check in. I enjoy seeing my neighbors when I’m out for a walk, even if we are waving and talking from different sides of the road. My kids initiated a Google Hangout last night with their father and me – it only lasted a half hour but it was fun to see each other! Good for the heart and soul! A friend shared that her book group was having a virtual meeting through Facebook Live last night which inspired me to suggest a virtual happy hour tonight using FaceTime with two friends. But it doesn’t all have to be technology based. Remember letter writing? I have a stash of cards waiting to be sent to friends. I’m going to try to send one out each day. Another new habit to cultivate! What is your favorite way to connect these days?

Speaking of that stash of cards… In an effort to wake me up this morning, my cats knocked the basket of cards off the table in my bedroom at 6 AM. When I turned on the light, I found only one card turned right side up and the message it carried seemed very appropriate.

Stay strong and take care of yourselves!

I thought tonight’s post was going to be a rant where I complained about my eye strain, my long work day, and asked for suggestions on how to stop clenching my teeth. I took this picture of my beer in a fancy glass to illustrate how I was treating my frustration and exhaustion.

But after snapping the picture, I turned on the TV and was thrown into the live press conference being conducted by Dr. Levine and Governor Scott, announcing the first two deaths from COVID-19 in Vermont. Major reality check.

The news was inevitable. Not all of us are going to get out of this alive. Most of us will but many of us are vulnerable due to preexisting health conditions. Those with compromised immune systems are counting on everyone, even those with strong immune systems to take the necessary steps of physically distancing, hand washing, and not attending public gatherings so that the spread of this disease is slowed and then stopped.

I’m not working from home because my employer required it. I cried when I made the decision to work from home. I lead the IT Team at my firm and I felt that was letting my team members down by not being on the front lines with them. (Note: I’ve found that I’m perfectly capable of working an 11-12 hour day at home and still being on the front lines virtually.) But after hearing from those who I love and who love me, I decided it was irresponsible to continue my risky behavior. I have asthma.

More specifically, I have cough variant asthma that is brought on by illness, stress, and most commonly, exposure to soy in airborne form. On top of the asthma, I have a severe allergy to soy. Eating tofu or edamame will put me in anaphylactic shock. Thankfully it is pretty easy to avoid that. However, it’s not so easy to avoid soy in other forms. Besides being hidden in food it is also in products we use around our homes and workspaces; air fresheners, laundry detergents, soaps, candles, and hand sanitizers.

Yup, hand sanitizers. Sanitizers have several ingredients that are soy based including the glycerin, tocopheral acetate, and frequently any fragrances. As everyone ramped up hand washing at work(myself included) and using hand sanitizer, I found myself coughing more and more. It’s embarrassing to be in a meeting and cough repeatedly, so I was going through 10-12 cough drops a day at work. I wanted to wear a t-shirt that said “I’m not sick, I’m allergic to your hand sanitizer!” But it is important that these steps are taken and please continue them.

The increased coughing signified a negative turn in my asthma and use of my inhaler for the first time in a year. I realized that I really am at risk and needed to protect myself. If an asthma attack from inhaling sanitizer particles made me feel so bad, what would the coronavirus feel like? So I started working from home and it was good for two days. Day three and I really missed my ergonomically perfect desk, chair and monitors. I was feeling crabby and cranky and ready to drink a few beers. Then I watched the news. It was a stark reminder why I am staying at home and motivation to stay home as much as possible.

I’m going to get through this and you are too. But we are going to get cranky and we are going to want to go out and gather, get close to each other, and have life be normal again. We have to resist that urge for now and make the connections virtually instead so we can stay ahead of this threat. I have faith that we can do that.

On the bright side, in the three days that I have been working at home surrounded by with soy-free soap, soy-free candles, and soy-free everything, I haven’t used one single cough drop. Not one.

Day two is in the bag. No closer to being in my office space but feeling good about the routine. I knew I couldn’t spend 10 straight hours staring at my computer screen again so I decided to try my hand at something I used to be pretty good at – baking bread. After I met with my team at noon, I took a twenty minute break to start the bread. Once the dough was doing it’s thing, I went back to work with a clear head. A bonus was when the timer rang after an hour to remind me to shape the loaf, that gave me another 5 minute break. Then after half an hour, another break to put that beautifully risen dough in the oven and finally 30 minutes after that to take the wonderful smelling loaf out of the oven. Oh, the joy!

It was a productive day and at 5 PM I was more than ready to shut down the computer. I had to run to Georgia Market for a few staples; flour, eggs, and of course, wine. When I arrived, the delightful Brenda Macy was checking out. She shared that her soon-to-be daughter-in-law works at home and always takes a ‘brain break’ to be good to herself. Thank you, Brenda(and your son’s fiance), for giving me the title of this post. We all need brain breaks whether we are working at home or in the office. It doesn’t matter what our work looks like or how rewarding it is. Whether it’s in front of a computer, physically demanding labor, caring for our loved ones or dealing with the public, too much of a good thing wears us out. A change of pace, a short break to do something rejuvenating will refresh our minds and reset our attitudes.

I’m still checking email frequently but I have enjoyed an evening that has been unplugged. I took a walk and spent sometime enjoying the signs of Spring in my yard. Check this out:

Baby Rhubarb! I’m so excited to see those red stalks start pushing out of the garden bed.

So I’m finding joy in baking and new growth. I hope you remember to take those Brain Breaks for yourself. And when you do, I’d love to hear what you did to rejuvenate. Blessings to all!

Today was my first official day working at home since this pandemic began. The transition was difficult, tears being shed as I packed up what I needed from my office yesterday afternoon. Knowing this could be a long term gig at home, I packed more than the usual paper files. I packed up my coffee mug. A treasured gift from Lisa, it holds 16 ounces of coffee and has never seen a day out of the office. I have started most of my mornings at Primmer with a full mug of Chocolate Raspberry coffee. It is the elixir of life that has seen me through some pretty rocky times. This mug came home with me so I could maintain my routine. Sticking to my routine, I did not fill the mug until I was ready to sit down at the computer. I do believe that it made a difference.

I’m working at my dining room table for now because the work load related to this situation is still daunting. I oversee IT and the team is working long hours right now with 10-12 hour days being the norm as we get everyone situated to work at home. I’m hoping that as we settle into the new norm, I’ll be able to take a few minutes each day to carve out a workspace in a room upstairs, allowing my dining room table to be a place for puzzles and meals again. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

We are all adapting to a new normal. Things are pretty chaotic right now but I’m determined to stay strong. I am committed to taking care of my physical and mental health as I settle into this routine. I hope you will also take the time to care for your well-being. This post is short, as I expect most of them to be, but maybe they will help us stay connected even when we are separated. Blessings to all!

It’s been 52 weeks since I started the 52 Project.  Do you know what that means?  This epic undertaking has come to an end.  It’s time to look back and figure out how I did in meeting the challenge I set for myself.

Did I meet all 52 goals?  No.

I only finished 28 of the tasks I set for myself.

Am I disappointed with only completing just over half of the items on the list?  No.

Actually, I’m pretty darn proud of myself.  Many of the things I didn’t finish, I came pretty darn close to finishing.  Others, just weren’t that important in the scheme of things.  A couple were never destined to get anywhere. Like riding the bus to work one day a week.  I missed 4 weeks in a row and realized it just wasn’t going to happen.  Nope.  Nada. Not happening.

I accomplished the things that rose to the top in importance; reading 52 books, walking 52 miles a month, riding my bike 52 miles, feeding 52 people around my table, getting together with friends 52 times, stretching 52 times in the morning, and spending 52 hours outside.   That is only a few examples but they have something in common.  They all revolve around things that keep my healthy, mentally and physically.  They were challenges that made me make time for myself and the people I love. They fed my soul.

The best part is that many of these actions have become habit.  I routinely invite people to my house now.  I used to worry about the floors being spotless, about the food being spectacular, and ambiance perfect.  No more.  Take me as I am.  And I may even let guests help me in the kitchen!

Going through this exercise put me in a state of mind to tackle some important business I had been putting off.  Sitting down every Sunday night to record my progress led me to understand that projects don’t have to be tackled all at once.  Every step towards completion counts.  The steps add up quickly.  Well, the pieces in a 5000 piece puzzle don’t add up quickly but you get what I mean.  There is a wonderful bit of wisdom that was shared with my by two different friends: “How do you eat an Elephant?  One bite at a time.”  That was so true in this experience.

So what am I taking with me into my 53^rd year?  A new notebook with some new goals. Not 53 of them though.  I plan on finishing the 52 Project list but the rest revolve around my hopes for the next year.  The goals are bigger.  I’m realizing that anything is possible if you break it down into bits and pieces.  This year there may only be 10 items on my list but they will be items that will challenge my mind, tire my body, and stress my skills.

And you know what?  I’ll be able to achieve them.

‘Cause I’m awesome like that.

Today was one of those Mondays.  You know, the ones where you wake up thinking it’s going to be an easy day with a manageable list of “to-dos” and not many commitments. Then it happens – the simple things on your list present unexpected challenges and for every one thing you manage to finish, 3 more land on your desk.  By lunch your head is spinning, by the end of the day you feel beaten down and exhausted.

I arrived home, feeling overwhelmed by my day and utterly sorry for myself.   I texted a friend, saying I needed a hug.  I really wanted a drink but instead, started unpacking my bag.  That’s when I came across the bag of spinach that changed my attitude.

Yup, a bag of spinach. A co-worker had brought in a huge bag of locally grown spinach to share. I’d taken just enough for my dinner – I love to saute it with garlic and sesame oil, throwing in some raisins.  Then I pulled out the paper bag with a small and very fresh baguette from August First. That was the moment that I realized today wasn’t just frustrating work.  It was filled with moments to be grateful for:

1. Spinach for dinner
2. Fresh baguettes with cold butter
3. Walking up 4 flights of stairs at work and not getting winded.
4. A virtual hug from my friend in response to my text
5. Finishing a good book this morning.
6. Another co-worker bringing in a box of free stuff that contained the one itty bitty item I had forgotten when I went grocery shopping yesterday. (Score!)
7. The purple hyacinth on my counter smelling divine.
8. Anticipation for a Friday evening that includes dinner and Mary Poppins at the Flynn.
9. My house still being clean a week after Easter
10. The tulips and daffodils that are starting to poke up through the ground.

Number 11 on the 52 Project is to write down a list of 52 things I am grateful for.  I put this down because life is always better if I live it in an attitude of gratitude.  Before today I had a dozen on the list.  It’s easy to skip acknowledging the blessings in our life when things are going well.  However, when life gets difficult, spending 10 minutes noticing the little reasons to smile can change the whole tenor of the day.   Number 11 is on the list to help me be more mindful of joys I experience every day and not get wrapped up in pity. Good habits take more discipline than the bad ones so it’s time to practice counting my blessings.

(And the picture is there just because a kitten makes everything better, even a Monday)